The Yarn Project of Michael Leach (theyarnproject) wrote in all_disability,
The Yarn Project of Michael Leach
theyarnproject
all_disability

The Fear of Failure, In Recovery

Here I am.
The past few weeks...I have been in a funk. I have been fighting this internal turmoil.
I spent YEARS in a wheelchair. At at 22, I was told, that was it. The wheelchair was going to be my way of getting around, for the rest of my days. Walking WOULD NOT be in the cards, for me.
I accepted that. Maybe not easily, at first. But, over time...I came to trust the wheelchair. I came to view it, much the same way a child views a security blanket.
And now...I have recently had a surgery, that has allowed me to walk.
Currently, I am involved in a painful regimen, of exercise. I am using forearm canes, and taking quite a few tumbles. I am walking.
I am happy, I am walking.
And, at the same time...I AM TERRIFIED!
My family keeps telling me that, eventually, I will walk cane free. I see that this is what they want. IT IS WHAT I WANT! The opportunity to walk, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!
But, what if I can't? What if I NEED the forearm canes, and will never walk without them?
Will my family be upset? Will I let them down?
I will try to get better...to walk cane free. But, so much pressure comes at me, over this. I am just terrified. If I have to use canes, I am going to let people down?
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